Originally Posted 1/30/24
Proverbs 31 is commonly quoted as the characteristics of the perfect woman. She is the woman that so many love to hate. I recently was part of a group of ladies who spent some time discussing the “Proverbs 31 Woman”. Some women felt it was a list of impossible attributes. It was another list of ways that prove our inadequacies. Others felt it was a list of things we should strive to attain. We don’t need to be all of those things.
What do you see when you read the description in Proverbs 31? Do you read the verses and think you are a complete failure? Do you read them and think of them as suggestions for excellence?
This chapter contains two poems. It’s the second poem that causes us so much angst. The second poem describes an excellent wife. Who doesn’t want to be excellent? I am not sure we should look at this list as a measure of our shortcomings. I look back on my life and I am a much better woman and wife now. First and foremost, I have matured in my relationship with the Lord. Of course, it is also easier now that my children are grown and married. Maybe we should look at it as a way to measure our maturity. Have we become what God intends us to be?
I love the story of how my son came to be married. For those of you who do not know our family personally, you may not know that the first time I met my son’s friend, Mel, I knew she would be perfect for him. I told him he should date her. He did not figure it out until a couple of years later. He asked me to pray for the Lord to send him a Godly wife. My son was reading this very chapter of scripture and praying. As he was reading and praying over this passage, he realized that his cherished friend, Mel, was the woman for him. They were married 10 months later.
Not only do we want our sons to marry this type of woman and our daughters to be this kind of woman, but we should also look to these characteristics for ourselves. This isn’t a list to measure our successes or failures. I don’t personally read this list and think of all my shortcomings. I look at it more as the goal of what my life should look like. As a believer, I strive to be more Christlike each day. Sometimes I am better at it than others. It is really easy to get mired down in our failures. Quite honestly, as I become more Christlike, the more I will embody these characteristics of an excellent wife and woman.
As we look at verses 13-24, we find a description of the behavior of an excellent wife. Even though our modern-day society is much different than the period from which it was written, we can still learn much from the passage.
Verse 13 has our lady seeking wool and flax. She was gathering materials for making clothes. It was the only option at the time. Walmart came onto the scene much later. I made lots of clothes for my kids when they were little. My mother was an avid seamstress and often gave me leftover material. I will be honest, it is not always cheaper to sew your clothes. I honestly haven’t touched my sewing machine since I made masks during COVID-19.
In verses 14 and 15, the excellent woman secures food for her family. Now I know how to cook even if I don’t do it all that frequently. I won’t lie, we have often found our evening meal in a restaurant. Even if I didn’t prepare it–no one went hungry. This was a much more arduous task during this time in history. She was required to get up much earlier just to prepare food for the day. I spent many mornings when my kids were growing up packing lunches and putting dinner in the crockpot. Wouldn’t she have loved Walmart?
Verses 16-19 show us that our woman is resourceful as she takes care of her family. She produces things that benefit her family. She rises early and works late into the night. So many ladies still plant gardens. I don’t have one even though I would like to have one. I just feed the deer when I do. Who doesn’t want to do a little spinning wool into yarn?
As we look at these verses, it would be so easy to read them and feel so unworthy. I could list all the things I don’t do rather quickly. I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you to look at the context of the period. Being an excellent woman was much different then. Being an excellent woman today just might look differently. One of the most successful tools of the enemy is to make us feel less than we are. I am certainly not the best example of a “perfect” woman. I would argue that I am not the perfect woman, but I am perfect for my husband.
Verses 20-24 emphasize the priority of taking great care of her family. She prepares clothing for different types of weather. She is well-known around the community. She helps her husband every chance she gets. She also makes extra things to sell. She sounds like June Cleaver, however, she has a lot she can teach us. I think we all want the same thing–to be the best we can be.
Verse 25 moves to the character of the excellent woman. She embodies strength and dignity. She is known as a woman who fears the Lord. She possesses wisdom. She has the confidence to face the unexpected challenges that we all face. She manages her home well.
Her family life is described in verses 25-28. Verse 28 is one of the most popular verses in Proverbs 31. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Proverbs 31:28 ESV. It brings me such joy to spend time with my adult children and their spouses. I will always be their mother, but our relationship has certainly evolved.
As the chapter ends, we read two verses that summarize her spiritual life. We often strive to have things or be things that do not matter. As women, we can get lost in the “being all things to all people”. I always feel pressure to balance all the balls in the air. Sometimes we have to forget about juggling it all and concentrate on our relationship with the Lord. We should not get so wrapped up in how we measure up to other women. There will always be someone who can do things better. We should not be comparing ourselves with someone else. Our focus should be on our relationship with the Lord. Who is God calling you to be? If you are who God is calling you to be, I think you will be successful. Keep your eyes on our Lord. Our most important role in life is to bring Glory to God. Do you bring God glory in your life?
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